“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”
~ Walt Whitman
What if I told you that I love living with him but I want to live alone.
That I enjoy seeing you but I want to hibernate until March.
That I thrive in moonlight but I live for sunshine.
That I do things of value but I don’t always feel valuable.
That I love getting up early but I love staying up late.
That I am comfortable with who I am but I am uncomfortable with who I am becoming.
That I wish her mad success but I don’t want any part of her game.
That i want more but I want less.
That I love deep conversation but I hate small talk.
That I live out loud but I am painfully shy.
Would you think I am crazy?
Society and the “idea” of wellness would ask me to pick a side. To “get clear” on what I wanted and who I was. I am always expected to check the right box. Happy or sad? Motivated or lazy? Practical or magical? Introvert or extrovert? Organized or messy? Gay or straight? Morning person or night?
Be this. OR this. Be that. OR that. Either or. Never both.
Fuck no, I am none of those and hell yes, I am all of those.
Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
I love this Walt Whitman quote because it beautifully illustrates who I am as a human being. I am crystal clear on what I love, what I value and what I am devoted to, but they don’t fit neatly into a tidy little checkbox.
Life doesn’t work like that. *I* don’t work like that. Being contradictory is a part of my humanness. It is part of who I am naturally. My thoughts and feelings are as deep and complex as I give them permission to be.
I will not choose either/or by checking that box and set that in stone. As I evolve so does everything around me. Living in the too-muchness of who I am means I live in the contradiction of and/and more often than a definitive either/or. I am willing to seem unbalanced because this is actually where the balance is.
Because life in the contradictions is where my freedom lives. It is where my magic resides. It is where change is encouraged and allowed.
The multitudes of my being is where the light shines into the dark and the dark creates shadows on the light. It is all of me. And I am tired of being asked to choose.
I will be soft and wild. I will be practical and magical. I will be rigid and flexible and able to accept it all. I am in love with my chameleon soul.
I won’t explain it. I won’t defend it. I will swim around in it, try it on, and see how it all fits, without picking a side or checking a box. My magic, my wildness, my freedom demands it.
Allow yourself to feel your contrary, complex, multi-dimensional, too-muchness. See what shifts when you allow for and/and in this evolution to your next phase of being. It is my wish for you.
Stay Gold Wild Ones.
Thanks for hanging out with me.