“Freedom lies in being bold.”
~ Robert Frost
There have been moments. Moments when I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize the face reflected back at me.
I wondered who she is?
What happened to her?
I used to be so bold.
Bad ass and brave.
Crystal clear on what mattered to me and what lit me up.
When I asked for fire all that burned away. I was left unrecognizable in the ashes and it scared the shit out of me.
That fire started burning a long time ago. I have been evolving like crazy the past three years but the past three months was molten lava fire.
However, August 2015 is telling a much different story. My boldness has returned. So has my bravery and my bad assery. All of them reactivated and cranked a few notches.
I have been reborn.
I rose from that fire.
I took the time, asked the questions, channeled the muses (they are listed at the end of this love letter), made amends, cried, wrote, screamed, shook, danced, talked my face off, texted til my fingers were numb and looked at my part in how I died.
Then I did what I needed to do to bring myself back to life. How? See above. Same pattern but on an upward swing full of love and self worth.
The weirdest part of the last three months has been the “should’s” and “supposed to’s” that were the soundtrack to my rebirth.
“You shouldn’t be this happy yet.”
“You are not supposed to be ready to date, it’s only been three months.”
“You shouldn’t feel this settled.”
My life, my rules. There is no timeline to any of this stuff. It is what it is. I am happy. I am ready to date. I am settled. I have moved on. From the hurt, from the disappointment, from the anger of making myself small.
For those of you wondering, Nigel is doing well too. He is old and wonky but hanging in there in his adorable little way. My familiar with 999 lives.
To my surprise and delight in all of this healing there was you.
My wild ones. Steadfast and strong.
You checked in and waited and watched me struggle.
You reminded me of who I was inside.
You stuck around.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
My heart that has never felt this alive.
I am beyond grateful you are still here.
The meaning of my name Renee is “reborn” so how fitting that my rebirth is happening right before my birthday.
Ideas are downloading like crazy and I am ready to receive them.
New site in the works with new ways to work with me.
Gathering bombshell warriors into girl gangs.
Shouting I’m not single from the rooftops.
Sex love n rock n roll.
Wild Muse Vintage.
A coffee table book dedicated to the 3 weeks I spent online dating.
Vintage style for your modern life.
Channeling your inner cat.
All of it a little edgier and full of grit and grace, beauty and madness, and hilarity and wildness.
Please send your renegade sisters here to sign up if they want to be part of a girl gang. There is magic in community and bold, bad ass women need each other.
Buckle up buttercups.
Lock and load because it’s time to rock and roll.
We got shit to do.
Stay gold wild ones.
Thanks for hanging out with me.