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“Forgive me father. I have sinned…”

Welcome back to Sex, Love ‘n Rock ‘n Roll.

Easter weekend has just passed and I feel like it is time for confession.

Forgive me father.
I have sinned.

It’s been a while since my last confession.

I swore I would never.
I took vows.
I said it publicly and started a revolution.

I LOATHE myself for it.

I don’t even know how it happened.
I barely made it out alive.

I have already confessed to my closest friends who have forgiven me and stood in solidarity.

No judgement.
Slight recoil at first (because public declaration) but they are on my side and they just want me to be happy.

They love me.

They hugged me. Said it has happened to them.

They don’t recall why or how but sometimes this stuff goes down and there you are and you just need to roll with it.

Literally and metaphorically.

You see Father,  I was on tour.
Caftans & Gin – the Reinvention Tour.

Rock star styles.

It was fucking epic.
oops. Excuse my language.

And on the first weekend of tour the prompts were Orgasm on saturday, then Prayer on Sunday.

Both being about seeing God, in similar but very different ways.

So it was in my consciousness.
I was thinking about it.

I mean I WROTE those prompts and I had 56 Wild Ones on a tour bus praying and seeing God.

How could I NOT be thinking about it?

No excuse I know but you can see where my head was at.

Then.

The welder called.
MOTHERFUCKER.

Again, sorry. I don’t mean to swear but…

And he came over.

Ok. I INVITED him over.

Man he looked fine.
I had been SUCH a good girl.

He looks at me like I am made of magic.
He thinks I am a stone cold fox.

HE WANTS TO BUILD A CLAMSHELL FOR ME TO RECLINE IN WHILE HE PAINTS ME.

Sorry. Yelling.
My apologies.

Anyway it happened.

Despite my best resolution.
Despite my saying I would never, ever, EVER do that again.

I 69’ed.  It’s all there. 
The whole torrid public confession.

It was a crime of passion.
Blinded by lust.

I hate myself.

Is there redemption because I said “God help me he better be fucking HOT if I ever stray from this new mantra.

Does that save me at ALL?

Cause he was hot. He IS hot.

Damn him.

No?
Maybe?
Yes?

Anyway.

I am back on course.
Counting the rosary.
Behaving myself.

I promise it will NEVER happen again.

(unless he is really, really hot.)

Gah. Still hate myself.

What have YOU all been up to?

Stay gold wild ones.

Thanks for hanging out with me.

Lusts,

Renee_signature

 

 

 

(69 image by the fabulous Aidan Wachter)

2 Comments

  1. oh, Renee. I do not see the ‘i have sinned’ part.
    You say: “I had been SUCH a good girl.”
    You are STILL a good girl.
    Being fuckable by one you covet and wanting to do the same is a gift.
    If you went off track from your own plotted path with this lapping of each other,
    that’s not anything ever to say you’re less.
    YOU’RE MORE.

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