Ease is another one of my love languages along with space. I have been in the FIRE the past 7 years in so many ways. Death, grief, health, finances - all intricately linked to each other and I am ready for things to be less hard and have a little ease.
“Is there ease here?” is a question that guides most of my decisions. When I say ease I don’t mean easy. Because those are very different. Somethings that have ease to them are also easy. I don't mind things that are hard or things I have to learn. It's more about asking is this something I will enjoy, want to be a part of, can manage along with everything else.
Capacity is a thing and I am solely responsible for everything in my life. Housework, laundry, food, personal care, Lola. My income is generated by my thoughts and ideas and secret messages I receive so having ease means i have more capacity for everything. Things I HAVE to do and things I LOVE to do and things that keep a roof over my head, which falls into the have to and love to category.
Ease for me right now looks like:
Buying a nine dollar bathtub/tile scrubber with a handle from Amazon because my joint pain is so bad that kneeling to clean my tub was painful so I wasn’t doing it. I love baths and I love having a clean house so that purchase made it doable.
Getting rid of all the plants that are problematic and were not thriving. I love my plant babies but i don’t have the time or the knowledge to have persnickety ones. Now I know which ones survive and love the kind of light and care and time I can give them.
Purging and creating space that makes it easy to clean. Anxiety and depression are not constant companions anymore but they do like to drop by more often than I like and a clean space makes me feel more like me so I need there to be ease to it. When there is clutter or too much stuff it’s hard and I don’t do it and then i get in this cycle of hating my space and hating that I don’t have the energy to fix it. I don’t want to have to move stuff around to get behind it and I don’t want to have closets and drawers so packed I can’t put stuff away but I do like my stuff so now I have what I love and it’s so easy.
I bought a cordless dyson which has changed my life. Old apartments are low in outlets and having to unplug shit to plug in the vacuum annoyed the fuck out of me. Now I get to zoom around without a cord and pick up all the fur and leaves Lola tracks in and dust from the alley and it’s everything. I saved for it and I am so glad I did.
Ending relationships where I was always looking for the subtext and feeling bad after every interaction. The people I am in relation to now means I don’t have to do that. I trust that there is open honest communication and I don’t analyze subtext because I always feel good after every interaction and it doesn’t matter if we talked last Tuesday or last year I trust that we are ok. I feel got and I get them and it’s made a world of difference.
How I work and who I work with. Sometimes I write at midnight and there has to be ease in how we relate to each other. I say no to things that my gut says will be difficult. Bewitched with Isabel and the stuff I created with Tina were so full of ease and delight and honouring of each other. That’s how I need it to be and I want more of it and there is more coming and it is work that isn’t easy but in the best way.
So, space and ease. There are others but that is for another day.
Live wild. Stay gold.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
Renee xx
I am taking some time off to get re-centered and if you want to support me in this I would love it. <3
Day 9 of Effy’s blog along.