*** Memo: August 18, 2017 – The Leonard Sessions is on hold until further notice. Thank you for your interest. We love you. ****
GET IN THE VAN!
I am taking you on a tour.
Again. Because last time was so much fun and I basically run Caftans & Gin anyways.
If there is anyone left on the Interwebs who doesn’t know me allow me to introduce myself. My name is Leonard. I am an senior mini panther and I am beyond AMAZING.
I am an incredibly cool street cat who was a leader of an East Van cat gang.
Original gangster styles. #ahem
I have O.G. status.
I am not gonna lie to you.
I have seen it all.
A lot of shit went down while I was out there.
I am an alpha male and I am incredibly sexy, and all the other cats were always up in my whiskers.
But I survived, kicked some ass, made some friends, met some ladycats, and now I live a life leisure and pure luxury in “her” house. Rescuing cats is as rock ‘n roll as it gets but let’s be honest. We ALL know that cats really rescue people. That is what I did when I adopted her in December 2015 after she lost everyone.
I also play bass in a band called Apocalypse Meow.
You have probably heard of us.
Now that you are in love with me wanna know why I am doing this tour?
Because as much as I try to ignore her I know she is tired. She keeps saying “Len, I am burnt out”. I basically run everything anyway but I need her to stop annoying me while I am practising my bass lines so I told her I would run things for a week so she could take an entire week off and not have to worry. About anything. And then she went on and on about how it was her birthday week and I put my headphones on and tuned her out completely.
Because I am a philodendron and I like giving back. (she said that was a plant but *I* said it means that I am charitable and *I* am always right) so 50% of this tour’s proceeds will be donated to The Safety Pin Box.
Because I took a lot of lessons with me from my bad ass O.G. days. I know things. Big important LIFE CHANGING things that I want to share with you.
Life lessons if you will.
- No matter how hurt you have been you have to learn to receive love. Everyone loves me and I receive it really well. So can you.
- Want what you want.
- Scars are sexy. DAMN sexy.
- You gotta do what you gotta do to get where you want to go and there is NO shame in that. #catstairs
- Look after yourself because it ups your energy, your sex appeal, and your life and you are worth it.
- Speak up and let your voice be heard. Example: I sing like an angel. I am as good as Leonard Cohen who was named after me.
- Have a really good back up band that lets you shine and vice versa. #morecowbell
- Stand strong around what you value and take up space.
When you know all these and the why’s behind them you will be—almost—as rad as I am.
We all know cats are the coolest creatures on the planet and we openly run the world.
OWNING these life lessons is why we are able to control EVERYTHING effortlessly.
Don’t try to resist me.
It’s impossible to do because I am THAT WISE and THAT AMAZING.
Now the deets:
September 4- 13th, 2017
Online, live from my fur blanket to yours.
Emails once a day and a hashtag to play with.
$10.00, $25.00 or $50.00, and here is why.
She gets to recharge and we get to give back because around here #blacklivesmatter.
She tends to yammer on about weird things like “bills” or “rent” but unless she is discussing how magical I am I really try to tune her out. But she can’t have a wee rest unless I take over.
I mean she can be incredibly boring. Again, #amiright
But we gotta live somewhere and until my band gets a new lead guitarist and I can get my own pad then this is my kingdom. Plus she will have more energy and leave more so I can practise my tap routines in private.
Sooooo, are you ready to rock?
Get in the van and let’s have some REAL fun.
Like, way more fun than her other tours.
All the cats who adopted you are welcome.
They can plan the late night hot tub parties and mix drinks cause I will be super busy writing. #respect
Dogs too. I ran with a few cool dogs back in the day and they are awesome back up.
They can roadie because I don’t do any heavy lifting. Clearly. #arthriticcathips