Rumours...

. Vetting any future involvement and possible wasted time by asking all future dates “do you agree to go as the Rumours album cover for Halloween”.

. My hair is really soft.

. I saw a TikTok of Jack Nicholson leaving a Lakers game and he was swarmed by paparazzi and I felt really protective of him. He is in his 80’s and gave us hours of entertainment. Let him retire in peace.

. I know why he thinks the others are more fun and I am more work. It’s because he brings all of his anxiety, frustration, sadness, disappointment, anger and so on to our friendship and I nurture and listen and he gives all the shows and the laughter to them so of course that seems like way more fun. They don’t get anything BUT the fun, There is no real life and real problems in those situations. It’s all left on me and then when I bring any of that to HIM for nurturing or witness I am suddenly work. Wonder how fun they will be when they are walking him through a dui or getting vaccinated or family issues or any of the other million things he brings to my doorstep? That clicked some things into place for me and gave me peace and some decisions to make.

. I saw a gold slip dress at the thrift but it was too small and now i am obsessed with finding a mid calf gold slip dress.

. There is a small business on tiktok that keeps coming up in my fyp and her retired dad helps her pack the orders and it’s adorable and now people are posting their order numbers in the comments with a request for her dad to pack it and she has been filming him in his little sweater vests reading the orders and then smiling at the camera while he packs it and it is so pure because you can see how excited he is for his daughters business.

. got a record number of unsubs to my last love letter and I wonder if people don’t want to know that it’s ok to take time for yourself and relax or if it was the D comment but either way I always want them to go with love because I am all for keeping what feeds the places that need feeding. I have more thoughts on this but that might be another letter lol.

. The thing about not having a pet sharing relationship with someone is that no one else wants to talk about Lola and her moody quirks as much as I want to talk about Lola and her moods and no one wants to see that many photos.

. Why must we do hard things all the time? Some things yes but not all. I am craving ease and simplicity and space and doing things that are fun and creative. I am tired. In the year of our Lola 2021 we deserve to put down the hard things that we choose and I say choose because some of them choose us and we need to have the capacity to handle those ones.

. “Trees are stored sunlight” ~Effy.

****

Want to muse with me? Before we lose the light and heat and the holidays take over I am doing a 2 week peaceful easy feelings sessions of Wild Musings. Please come! all the glorious details are HERE. xx

Thrifting genius...

. I bought this vintage silk pillowcase as a my wrap up present to myself after the Full Bush tour because the symbol for that tour was a peacock and I like to indulge beginnings and ends in certain ways and I carried it around in my bag since August looking for a pillow insert because they are mad expensive online and I am thrifting genius and I FINALLY FOUND ONE for 3.49 on Monday at vv.

. this moon combined with the anniversary of my losing my mom combined with a very traumatizing betrayal from someone I love deeply has me in my feelings which is ok because I am ok and feelings are ok and I know how to move through them.

. So many changes right now.

. glad I took that wee break from writing. I was still doing these daily because it is more of a spiritual practice than work but I needed to not write anything for a bit.

. Went back to the thrift today to drop off some clothes I am not feeing and I bought Lola something. Photos tomorrow if I can manage it

. this early monsoon rain is always such a hard transition for me.

. Ordered the ingredients for my fave fall soup and will tackle that tomorrow.

. craving something but haven’t figured it out yet. Don’t you hate that? The wanting but not being able to name.

. I want bangs again. uh oh.

I am doing another 2 week Wild Musings that starts Nov 7! All the glorious details are HERE! Join us?

I can't...

I am having anxiety about being behind because I committed to this challenge but then Lola had a talk with me and told me that it’s ok that I am behind and to just jump back in from here. I muse daily in a notes folder on my phone so here are the highlights.

9.11 - I thought I would head immediately into vaca but I needed to catch up on so many things I haven’t really gone fully into vaca mode and that’s ok. I did a deep clean and a bunch of laundry and finished my living room and caught up on some docs appts and email and phone calls i needed to make and boring stuff like that and still have not chosen a green.

9.12 - Supposed to go to Ikea with Mike today but he has been filming late so we are not going. Which i prefer actually. I only want to spend time with people who are generous in spirit and not out of obligation and I would rather someone say I am really exhausted can we do this another time.

9.13 - I turned 54 today and it was a lovely day. On Sunday that Guy dropped by with flowers which was sweet. Mike dropped by with cards and wine and cash on his way home from work. The East Van witches took me out for dinner which was hilarious because you can’t get a hot meal in this city after 8:30 and you can’t get anything on a Monday but we went to the local pub that was miraculously open and it was fun. Carly gave me a black cat watering can that Lola was not on board with when I put it beside her food dish as she was eating and Niki gave me a birthday candle full of facts about people born on September 13. I am surrounded by love.

9.14 - EFFY AND ISABEL GOT ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIDEOS FROM POT ROAST AND HER MOM AND IT’S EVERYTHING. I knew it would be. and I did threaten to go on an absolute rampage if I didn’t get one lol. They are so hilarious and I am keeping them forever and have watched them about 47 million times. You can marvel at them if you want. I am obsessed. Pot Roast one and Pot Roast two. They also knew something else wouldn’t happen so they MADE it happen and my heart grew grinch styles. <3

9.15 - I cannot get motivated to finish rearranging my bedroom and haven’t even made the bed. I am sleeping on top of the bedspread and i hate it when I get like this but it happens and i just need to work through it. Finished all seasons of Grey’s and wondering if that show in that amount all at once is affecting my mood? Gonna take a break from tv for a few days and sleep as much as I want this week.

9.16 - Carly had the day off so we hit vv on 49th and got groceries and had lunch. Found a vintage grandma pillow in gold silk for 5 bucks. It was worth the drive.

9.17 - I have forgotten how to deep breathe. I have been taking vids of lola being cute and I can hear my shallow breathing so gonna look at that when vaca really starts.

9.18 - ultrasound for my swollen thyroid today. I hate having my throat touched and to press the ultrasound on it was torture and I was on the edge of a panic attack. I need my neck clear. No chokers, no crew necks, no turtlenecks, no tight scarves. It’s a thing.

9.19 - my remaining plants are thriving and I have been mostly offline this week and I took some of my birthday cash and went to my local witch store and got a few things and I am wondering if it is time for an altar again? I have wild altars everywhere because my home is an altar to my self loyalty but haven’t had anything “official” in a while.

9.20 - Started watching Ted Lasso and this is the show I needed. It’s so funny and real and it is lifting my spirits. Grey’s made me feel like I was dying. Every patient had me googling symptoms.

9.21 - I went to the dollar store to buy coffee filters and bought some bat shaped twinkle lights.

9.22 - Dropped some more stuff at the thrift and came home with a mug with a pistol handle, gold platform heels, and mini oranges encased in acrylic. Because of course i did lol.

All the days of Effy’s blogalong.

.

Why is green so hard?

. I have had these paint swatches on my wall for a week and i don’t think any of them are the one. Theses are from Lowe’s and I going to go to Home Depot and see what they have. I chose the blue in m living room in a an instant but this green is kiling me.

. I was going to paint one wall and woke up wondering what the entire room painted green would feel like? With my black bed and flufly white bedding. Would I feel like I was waking up in the forest like the feral kitten I believe i am? Thoughts?

. I want to wake up happy.

. It’s my birthday weekend and Mike is taking me to Ikea to buy fluffy white bedding as my present. I donated all of my vintage bedspreads and I am currently using a nap blanket and it’s starting to get chilly. Should have thought that through lol.

. My main focus this weekend is the final bits of my apartment redecoration now that i have my dream shelf. It’s a disaster in here and it’s making me cranky. I miss the me that had everything in its place. Space. Ease. simplicity. Maybe this weekend I will write about simplicity.

. I feel like my vaca won’t really start til next week because i had a bunch of stuff to do to wrap up all those tours and housework and my inbox is a mess.

. It’s starting to feel like fall.

. I wonder if Mike will get the cameo or the stuff from Ravens Veil?

. I think I am watching too much grey’s. lol

Day 10 of Effy’s blogalong.

Easy like a Sunday morning...

. Woke up at 12:30 pm with this lady.

. My deep clean is not going well. I should have just done it on Wednesday on my first day off because my motivation is zero but I did get my bathroom and kitchen done. I also somehow purged a bunch of stuff. Again. I am going to have nothing left.

. all day yesterday I thought it was Friday until Hollie said in a text “sounds like a lazy Saturday” and I said “it’s Saturday?”. I have been so acutely aware of deadlines that I am now not even sure what day it is. Whew.

. Why am I craving a big mac?

. Was going to wander down the block to my fave witch store but they closed for the long weekend. I love it when local businesses do that. Just close to give themselves a break. My fave pizza place is also closed.

. I think I will have a nice long hot bath and make some tea and just chill today. I obviously need it.

. almost thought about turning on my heat last night. Fall is here.

. Still watching Grey’s obsessively.

. I need laundry loonies.

. I know what it is going to look like.

---

Day 5 of Effy’s September blogalong.

Live footage...

. I am interpreting this photo from my colouring app last night as live footage of me and Lola screaming away full speed from everyone online that annoys us. Also, I should get her a cape.

. I was at Lowe’s the other day looking at paint samples and decided to check out the price of tall palms for my living room because it is clear I cannot grow a fern and I was looking at some plants and I saw movement and I immediately thought RAT but it was a tiny lizard. We made eye contact and are friends now.

. My hair grew two inches overnight. I might dye it pink.

. Thinking lots and with love about my baby squirrel and how hard it is to send seniors to the rainbow bridge. Mama, I hope you know you were loved and that Len and Stevie and Nigel met you at the endless cheese buffet in the sky and showed you the way.

. Booked a call with my Yaya for monday and thinking about the time we created two fictional witches who owned a shop called The Space that carried everything you ever wanted and didn’t know you needed and how they would meddle in peoples lives and fix things and I miss them. And her.

. I am now following a pet raccoon on TikTok named Reba. No one will be surprised by this.

. Wild Musings Tour was so fun and I love that so many that came are still musing. Like REALLY love that.

. I am going to keep saying that my abortion was a fantastic decision and was not traumatic and I am grateful I could have it done safely because we need to change the narrative.

. The term holding space is heading to the same territory as deep dive for me lately. There are a bzillion ways for people to hold space and there as just as many ways people need it held and not everyone meets everything so how can you be an expert at it? .

. I got a bit tidied in my apartment today but I did more couch surfing than anything. Feeling a bit more rested so tomorrow.

. Dropped some stuff at the thrift and found the most gorgoeus 40’s rayon reversible kimono robe. And the person at the check out asked me why I always bought them and i said I wear them and use them as art and she said she loves them too and I love that we had that little connection in common.

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Day 3 of Effy’s September blogalong.

Last dance of the season...

It’s the last dance of the season and time to leave Kellerman’s until next summer. I don’t mind. There is something about September that is very New Years to me. I always think of that line in You’ve Got Mail that said “fall makes me want to buy school supplies and i would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew where you lived” - that is how I feel about fall. It’s time to dig out the notebooks and wear jeans again.

I love change. Changing of seasons. Changing my mind. Changing my sheets. Changing my clothes. It means things are fresh and new and I am here for that.

Since February 2020 I have run 4 tours with over 300 fabulous folks embracing change as it relates to their self loyalty. I designed, branded, sold, and launched each tour. I wrote (co-wrote in Bewitched) over 120 prompts and read every post and comment in 4 different groups. I also worked part time at a vintage store through half of it, sourced and flipped vintage to pay for my redecoration, saw clients one on one, had a major surgery and I am responsible for every single thing in my life from cat litter to cleaning to groceries. Such is life living in one of the worlds most expensive cities while embracing a community care business model because i believe that “self development” should be accessible to all and I am over the more you pay the more you get mindset of the wellness industry. Every tier I (we) launched got the same content and accessibility and I am really proud of that and all of the work I have done in the past year and a half.

Your mama cat is TIRED though. That is a LOT of kittens.

From 2015 and the fire of that and the years of survival after and the months since Covid.

I am giving myself a birthday gift of a few weeks off starting next week. First I have to deep clean my house because its pretty gnarly in here and I finally got my dream rattan shelving unit but have had no time to vignette it and my living room floor is full of plants and smalls and coffee table books. Then I have to dig out my inbox which is a nightmare and I won’t be able to relax until I do both.

After that? If you need me I will be lounging on my glorious velvet sectional, in fabulous light, admiring my gorgeous vignettes and talking to my plants.

I am also going to squeeze Lola’s tiny skeleton and use her as a pillow as much as she will let me. I plan to soak up as much sun as possible from my deck before rainy season hits and I might book a facial and read some trashy bodice ripping romance novels and re-watch Yellowstone before season 4 starts and play with all my makeup and take long baths and paint a wall in my bedroom that specific green that is in the centre of a peacock feather. I am going to move my bed to the other wall so I can chat better with mama moon and wake up and see trees instead of my concrete balcony wall and I will watch hours of TikTok and pin like its my job. I will book my pap smear because I am due and I will vote for Jagmeet Singh because those are important but other than that there will be no deadlines.

I have some new work in the works and some older work that I want to revisit and update and if I feel like it I will noodle on that because there is so much ease to a slow creative process and it is fun for me to discover what it looks like and when is the right time and exchange secret messages with Isabel. I might try to socially distance see some friends but we just had a giant anti vac/anti mask covid denying rally here yesterday so while I have remained masked and sanitized and 6ft away from people forever I will be extra vigilant about that again.

And finally I will turn 54. Which I can hardly believe because I feel 104 and 24 all at the same time and such is life and what the fuck is time and what does ageing even look like anymore?

It looks like me.

Beauty and madness and brilliance and angst all in one slightly neurotic, cynically optimistic, hilarious and petty, sexy middle aged woman who found the good life. You know…the one they tell you about. The one that comes after. After the call, the loss, the sadness, the disappointment or the dismissal.

I am in the after and it is wildly enchanting.

Live wild. Stay gold.

Thanks for hanging out with me.

Renee xx

PS -if you want to support your mama cat in these few weeks off I will lovingly accept it.

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This is day 2 of Effy Wild’s September 2021 blogalong.

17 seasons later...

. I finally decided to give Grey’s Anatomy a try. Early adopter I am not. It started in 2005 lol. But I feel like I joined a secrete club because I finally know what Dr. McDreamy means. I am on ep 6 of season 1.

. Felt inspired and wrote my list about Wild Musings on Saturday night. Late. I love late night writing and I love this bit that I said as way if invitation : If you are ready to notice that the sun sets later all of a sudden and you have the urge to buy school supplies and you can suddenly see sunflowers over fence tops and the raccoon babies in your backyard are getting bigger and your fave tiktoker just hit 1 million and you re-watched all the Avenger movies and have thoughts and you never want your tan to fade and you are craving stews and chilis and big pots of soup then I invite you to join me on this tour and muse on your OWN life, one moment at a time.

. I said to someone today I will not buy from a white person who does not market from a anti capitalist and counter culture lens. With payment options and community care etc.

. people get a lot of satisfaction from their dissatisfaction. Baffles me. But I have unfriended and been unfriended from a few who live in it and it feels like a gift to myself. That peace.

. another bag of stuff to the thrift. That is 6 trips so far.

. I took myself up to Brentwood yesterday to see the renos and H & M had the Renee collection. ON SALE. This is why I peek at trends. for moments like these.

. Took Mike out for a birthday breakfast yesterday and it was (mostly) really nice. We are trying.

. I am obsessed with Glow Up n Netflix. These MUA’s have so much talent and amazing style and I am getting secret messages like crazy.

. Feels like fall today which is too early to feel that way.

. something something maybe?

***

Wild Musings welcome email goes out this Sunday and first prompt is Monday. You can read all the glorious details HERE. Join me?

Secret Messages...

. i deleted all the games from my phone and just kept my colouring app and I find secret messages from the photos all the time. This one came exactly when I needed it.

. I also left a bunch of groups where my pain points were always being pressed and I never felt good. Lots of fomo and feeling poor and just general ick. I feel SO much better without those in my feed all the time.

. I chose me.

. Its cool and rainy today but this province needs it. I have two friends on evac watch and it’s so scary.

. day 3 yesterday of purging stuff I am actively using. It’s not like space and ease are not available here and in my life because they are but I am just feeling the need for more of both. I did that huge purge and it was fantastic but energy shifts and my space shifts with it. I sense something big coming my way so I am proactively getting ready and making space for it.

. space is my love language

. i have a no fail parallel parking method that i teach everyone that my dad taught me and it works every time.

. Mike is 55 today.

. Dr. Clara Mandrake is delightfully unhinged.

. I won’t.

***

One week until Wild Musings starts. 10 prompts to guide you i observing the beauty in your own life. find all the details here. xx

Pot Roast...

. Pot roast now has a collection of hats and obviously I am OBSESSED. her mom is hilarious and it never fails to make me laugh. I might send them a kitty wig. @potroastsmom on TT

. does Lola need hats?

. third day in a row I purged stuff I was actively using and dropped it at the thrift. Today was a bunch of linens. Came home with a macrame wall hanging, a brand new with tags duvet cover, a Leonard Cohen book of poems, and a gold bathing suit cover up that is probably 1970’s. all under 30 dollars. I love a good deal.

. hunting for a deep covet I forgot about and never even pinned but it showed back up today and I wonder if i will find it. I usually do.

. that call from the doctor was probably a referral to a new surgeon. thinking about how many people said to me “how could you let that happen?” about my breast reduction surgeon and that question has always baffled me. I was under anesthetic and asleep when it happened. Will forever think about the number of people that said that and similar things.

. Effy told me to let go today. Without claw marks. Sigh.

. making headway on getting the place back up to snuff. actually emptied the dw this morning and cleaned the kitchen whiile coffee was brewing. the routine/ritual is so needed.

. sun salutations. (auto correct changed it to sun SLUTutations and I almost left it) first time in forever. does your body remember cause I think mine has ghosted.

. it will be a smaller intimate group this time I think.

. “I heard stories from my mother's mother who was an American Indian. She was spiritual, although she did not go to church, but she had the hum. She used to tell me stories of the rivers.” - Tina Turner

***

Come do these for ten days and really be in your life one moment at a time! It will change how you see things and remind you of what you want, what you forgot, and what is perfection right here, right now. Read all about the Wild Musings tour HERE. xx

She would be 91...

. she would be 91 today. I miss her all the time. sometimes it’s hard to breathe for the missing and Mike and I are in a space and it’s family weird feelings all around. She was my biggest fan and my harshest critic. We didn’t always see eye to eye but we loved each other deeply and always had something to talk about and we laughed a lot.

. began at the beginning with a few things today. It feels ‘whelming but I have to start somewhere.

. donated a bunch more stuff even though I have room and did use some of it but there is something about a purge that feels good.

. and there is good stuff everywhere

. old time frock n roll

. I wonder if you lower your standards, do they ever rise up again?

. doctors office called again and she said I need a height and weight. I said 5”7” and 8 pounds. Which is Lola’s weight. She didn’t say I need YOUR height and weight and she didn’t think it was as funny as I did. She said it was for a referral to a doc and they need it on their form and couldn’t tell me why. So I made one up cause I honestly have no idea. which just proves my point that it doesn’t fucking matter.

. soon

. DVT - my nemesis

***

Love these? I am doing a 2 week course with ten prompts that will have you looking at your life one moment at a time. Sign up and read all about it HERE. xx

Haus Labs...

. Haus Labs had 30% off for their two year anniversary with free shipping and a FREE LIPGLOSS so I treated myself to a lip stain and an eyeshadow quad and they arrived and they are DIVINE. from the matte black ombre packaging to the product themselves I knew they would be. It’s Lady Gaga. Of course it is.

. I tried. I always try. But I might need a break cause I never come off feeling heard or loved.

. how do you be in relationship with someone that you love loves but you don’t trust at all.

. my entire apartment smells like tea tree because I have a fruit fly issue and I saw Starr say that they can live in your drains and to put vinegar, tea tree, and baking soda in your drain and then pout a kettle of boiling water on it. I did the kitchen and bath sink and the tub and I hope it works cause those fuckers make me mental but I love a good home remedy and I wish i had that kind of knowledge. I am always fascinated by it.

. My S.O. held my soul on ft last night, then Snarls stopped by and Effy this morning let me talk and if I am nothing else I am someone who has incredibly loving friendships. I have always been that way and my loyalty to my loves is unwavering. hashtag blessed.

. also because i got my feelings hurt a few weeks ago I have had zero capacity for my house and now it is gonna take me a full day to dig it out. My usual cleaning plan is I do something daily that takes 15 mins to 1/2 hr and since I have very little stuff there is ease there. But my bathroom needs doing and I haven’t swept in over a week and all my clean laundry is still sitting in my laundry bag and my floors need washing and that is what depression does. It leaves just enough bandwidth to be brilliant at my work and the rest is spent laying on the couch watching comfort shows til 2 am feeding my feelings.

. having said that I bought a 9 dollar scrubber with a handle that I saw on #cleantok because my fucked up knee does not like me kneeling to wash the tub and I am super excited to try it.

. purged some bowls and dishes that didn’t need purging and dropped them off at the thrift and it made me feel like i did something good for myself.

. Is it time to build myself a little bar again? i am a child of the cocktail generation and depending on covid maybe i will have people over this fall. hmmmm

. Obsessed with Gerald the silverback gorilla on Tony Bakers voice overs.

***

If you love these and want to begin doing them I am offering a two week course with ten prompts to get you musing wildly. It’s very cathartic to be in your life one moment at a time. You can read all about it and sign up on the wild musings page.

Catnip Carrot...

. I am the worst cat mom ever. She was on the bed screaming at me at 4:30 am and I was obviously asleep so I shooed her off the bed but when i woke up her catnip carrot was by my pillow. She obviously just wanted to play in the cool morning. I still feel bad.

. When he says things like I am late paying this off because I am keeping everyone afloat it is so fucking snide because I am not the narcissist being kept afloat and also you were the one that pulled the life raft out from under me in the first fucking place.

. I am not a convenience but you keep trying to treat me like one.

. I know her so well I knew what the feather meant and I am fucking happy for her I started screaming.

. Was looking around today and feeling overwhelmed with stuff but I don’t know why cause I don’t have stuff. I know myself well enough to know it means I need to deal with something else and ugh.

. I am fully Pfizered or will be in two weeks. Also I have a migraine and my arm hurts.

. Leo season and i have so much going on.

. The fern is not gonna make it. sigh.

. “How wild it was, to let it be.”

. Esther’s house

***

If you are reading this and want a safe space to practice being in your life one moment at a time then join my Wild Musings tour! !0 gorgeously crafted prompts to get you recognizing, remembering, and reclaiming. I can’t wait! xx

Moon energy...

. This is Stanley. I don’t know why Lola hates him.

. I am so weary of marketing makeover stories leading to sales pages and how those stories never include where the money to recreate your life actually comes from and wanting everyone to go on a deep dive and really - do we need to be raw all the fucking time - because it just makes people feel like they don’t measure up and not everything requires a deep dive and a need to expose yourself in a raw and real way. That’s not how we evolve and change and find our peace in this world. Yes somethings require a deeper exploration but not every single thing and why do I see it everywhere? Let’s float on our discoveries and sometimes tread water together or get out of the water entirely for a moment if you want and just lie on the beach soaking it all in. That’s how I run my stuff and it’s glorious.

. I was hanging in with someone on text who was going through something and she said are you mad at me and I said not at all and if I was i would tell you because in my relationships i believe in direct communication that is kind and honest because I am no longer willing to live a life of relationships where I am constantly decoding subtext. It is fucking exhausting and giving that up, and the people who passive aggressively do that, is my own self loyalty in action. She said oh I guess I don’t really know anything about your story. And it was such a moment for me that we are friends but she doesn’t really know anything about my story. still noodling on that.

. this moon energy has me exhausted and exhilarated at the same time.

. I think fb is hiding my wild musings tour posts like they did bewitched because i asked a few people who have me larked to see first and they said they don’t see them. I asked because the amount of engagement i get on these and the amount of people who have asked me how I do them vs the likes and comments on the sales post do not add up. its frustrating.

. I want wellness professionals to be a little kinder, less ableist, less victim blaming, less cherry picking of the real story to press pain points.

. solstice

. I brain dumped it all into an email I haven’t sent yet because even though I am sure he never considers it I think about it constantly.

. my doctors office left me a voicemail to call them to update my height and weight because I refused to do it at my last visit and I will not be returning that call.

. no one held me after my mom died. it’s been 5 years and still no one has and it still breaks my heart.

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I am doing a ten day prompted Wild Musings course at the end of August and it is a gorgeous way to practice being in all the moments of your life one moment at a time. You can sign up HERE and there is community care pricing and a portion of proceeds going to Red Root Collective.

A few firsts...

My first Vietnamese iced coffee. An Armani coat from the thrift. Most of the day off. Sleeping in and Lola cuddles. Clouds. Snarly. Words on a page. Daydreams.

Launch day...I don't mean Bezos

. Mama moon was playing shy last night but this is still honestly the best photo of the moon I have ever taken. I wonder why she hates to be photographed. Is she up there muttering "fuckn paparazzi" when she decides to really take up space?

. The prompt this week in Bewitched is on wild altars and there is a paragraph that literally gave me goosebumps when I wrote it. I have so missed that feeling of knowing that my fingers are hitting keys forming words that make me feel that way. It's been a minute.

. then yesterday I did the sales page for the daily musings tour and I felt the same way. Sales pages are my kryptonite but I love this one and there was so much ease.

. I got a BRAND NEW fridge today because mine has been making my veggies sweaty and in my entire life living on my own since 18 I have never had a place with a brand new fridge. Ever.

. the guy that delivered the fridge said his neighbour is a life coach working with companies on teamwork etc and suggested - without knowing a thing about what *I* do - that it might be a good avenue for me. I said (among other things) does he go in and rob them of their lunch hours and feed them mediocre pizza so that the owners can suck more life from their probably underpaid asses to make more money? This guy was standing around while the worker guy was leveling the fridge and the worker guy almost choked laughing. This guy didn't find it funny but..oh well. *shrugs*

. lost my phone for 3 hours yesterday cause it fell in my small donation bag i gave to the thrift and find my iphone was telling me it was at vv and I thought it was by the checkout and had a full on panic attack and started to cry but then realized it might be in the donation bag and the whole things gave me a migraine which is why I didn't launch yesterday as promised.

. But I did find a vintage chenille all white summer bedspread so I have that going for me.

. I have been watching old episodes of kitchen nightmares and would 10/10 hate fuck Gordon Ramsey. Still.

. grapefruit Perrier is my elixir of choice these days. I am so bougie lol.

. I love my hair.

6am...

. I have been up since 5:30am because someone with a tiny skeleton was dancing on me but before doing the can-can in her floofy pantaloons on my bladder she chose violence of a different kind. Poor Stanley. Last time I saw 5:30 am I was still awake from the night before and I don't party anymore so it's been a minute. I laid there for another half an hour watching the sky change and I am not going to lie…it was gorgeous. But I WON’T be making this a habit and I hope Ms. Lola Esmeralda Floof doesn’t either.

. all my east coast loves are up so I sent good morning texts lol.

. a local diner has a Sunday night steak special for 12.99 and I went and had it yesterday for the first time since the pandemic. Steak, mashed with gravy, broccoli and carrots. My dad would have LOVED it. He loved diners as much as I do. I will choose a diner over a fancy restaurant any time.

. I got shipping confirmation for the few dresses I ordered and they are all black. I want to look sexy, mysterious and slightly threatening but I will vehemently deny knowing anything about the whereabouts and/or disappearance of my ex lovers.

. Everyone can wear white to their wedding if they want.

. I saw this thing on tiktok and the question was "what were you bullied for that is trendy now" and so many said "being a slut". Because back in the day having a hot girl summer was an easy target for people to bully and hate on you. I am loving that in a few ways that narrative has shifted a bit.

. I might wander to the thrift today. I am building a babs and kris star is born box for someone and am looking for a few key pieces.

. tiny cauldrons

. something cool is coming out this week.

13 inches...

. Cutting my hair was a response to a comment from someone who has internalized fatphobia. I thought maybe i was hiding behind it because I am disconnected from myself from my collarbone to my thighs for various medical reasons and with that much hair that is all I see in that area so I cut it.

. And also because I choose me and freedom. That hair held the last breaths of my mother and Nigel, Len, and Stevie. It held the last time I was held by a man. It held two major surgeries and a pandemic where the world shut down and all I do lately is let go. Everything I let go of has claw marks on it and the last "cut" I had was half an inch. So a big change was necessary and my bestie did it while we watched friends re-runs. It is so soft and healthy now.

. I bought a few new things to wear because I am trying to connect back to my body but basically I am curating a wardrobe that is perfect for when I am interviewed by a reporter about the mysterious disappearances of my former lovers.

. "Everything caves under the weight of greed." I heard that somewhere and did not write down where but it is going around and around in my head.

. I questioned doing a year long tour during a pandemic but I trusted my gut and did it and I am getting all these secret messages from it and my bush kittens keep writing me to say how it changed them and I am so glad I went ahead with it. the 2.0 version is in the works.

. I am cat sitting and went over to give them breakfast and they are twin oranges who are in their teen years and they both slowly and sleepily climbed up from the basement like they had been playing video games all night cause their parents are away. It was hilarious.

. My fern might not recover.

. I know I am in a flux period because my screen time was up 24% last week according to my phone and I have been tiktoking my self to sleep every night. Being done with the purge and my redecoration has left me with way more room for other things. Which was the point of it. My apartment is easy to keep tidy and easy to clean. Laundry is easy to put away. There is so much space. Now what?

. I take my aunt vibe seriously and will be the one who snatches you and says CHOOSE YOU but I will do it wearing fabulous clothes and with much love and some comedy.

. question your gurus if you need clarification.

. the friend that ended our friendship on that before and after photos thread sent me a friend request a few weeks ago. I accepted it but then noticed she had me on a filter so I messaged her and asked why. she said that she saw my acceptance of her friend request but didn't know how cause she didn't send me one. I said you must have sent me a request or I wouldn't have anything to accept. she said that was a mistake and she didn't send me one and unfriended me. Which means she was scrolling my wall and accidentally hit the friend request button and didn't realize. So just say that! anyway I blocked her so it won't happen again. I am no longer allowing myself to keep breaking my own heart.

Spaghetti float....

I want to only wear one piece of clothing until mid September, no bra, no underwear, no socks, with flip flops or my pillow slides and that one thing will be flowing dresses and caftans. And bathing suits. I want a gorgeous tan. I want fresh wildflowers and sweet peas and lush colourful roses in vintage vases all over. I want to sleep with the windows and drapes open naked like a starfish under mama moon. I want to skinny dip in a clear cool creek in the forest with the bear cubs. I want to lay under the hot night sky, after watching a long pink sunset, and look for falling stars. I want more freckles. I want to park sit and people watch and make up imaginary back stories for everyone we see. I want popsicles and hot dogs cooked over a camp fire and s'mores and baileys in my coffee every morning. I want to get up early and stay up late. I want to want what I want and do whatever the fuck I want all day and all night. I want to frolic with the wolves. I want to eat spaghetti from a float in the middle of a lake with all of you.

The heat broke....

There is a finally a cool breeze. My little Floof slept on the balcony last night and is very talkative and prancy and pleased with herself this morning.

I read that people were buying up all the air conditioners and fans and then selling them on MP and Craigslist at a huge markup and the greed never ceases to surprise me. People, and animals, died in this heat. A 15 dollar fan that could make a world of difference should not be 100 dollars. It's pure fucking evil.

Doing my purge was the BEST THING EVER because now that it is a few degrees cooler I finally dug my place out of hellpocalypse. Swept, emptied dishwasher and refilled it, scrubbed sink, cleaned counters, wiped all the freezie stains off the coffee table, gathered up all the wet towels and clothes and stripped my bed, plumped up cushions and kinda de-furred the couch and it took about 1/2 an hour. And i have done NOTHING for days. The ease of this place now is worth every agonizing claw mark moment of should I keep this and do I need it. I don't and I didn't. (for everyone asking the PURGE tour is still in the works. xx)

Carly is cutting my hair today after we wander VV and have breakfast. And then I might die it pink this summer. I need a drastic change.

My plants did not like this extreme heat. Except one. lol

I love you all. Don't forget to drink some water.